What's love got to do with it?

Some of my friends think I need help. Why? Well, they seem to think that love is great and I feel compelled to ask them what is so great about love. Hang on: please hear me out first. Thank you very much.

If you were to ask someone who was eating fish, they would probably say they love fish. But do they love fish or they love to eat fish? Trust me the two are very different things. If you love fish buy an aquarium. Selah

It is a fact of human nature that we can be counted upon to look out for our own interests over and above those of anyone else, even so called ‘loved ones’. I can still hear Donna Summer singing “give me your unconditional love, the kind of love I deserve . . . “. So pray tell, the giver does not deserve anything abi? Like I said we think always, only of ‘me’.
One of the consequences of this natural instinct for self preservation is that the concept of love is difficult to define in generic terms. Love is whatever you say it is no matter how warped that may be. To quote Michael Bolton, you wouldn’t know love if it knocked down your door! There is of course convenience, financial security, lust – even infatuation maybe- but love? I don’t know.

Indulge in a little conjecture with me for a bit. A guy is interested in a girl, who does not have the time of the day for him, then he gets an Oil Company job and suddenly she can’t get enough of him. Or a girl whose biological clock is ticking faster than a time bomb on steroids meets this irresponsible drunk who beats and cusses her out but she (and she alone!) sees the ‘inner good’ in him and marries him anyway. Still, two spoilt rich brats meet at Oxford or Harvard: she has a great figure and would look nice on his arm, he can keep her in the kind of high society comfort she is used to so they get hitched. Which one of these describes love then? No prizes for guessing.

The capacity of the human being to pretend is unbelievable. I however, have a gift for knowing when someone is pulling not heart strings but purse strings! That’s just me anyway, some people are totally oblivious. Love is about being there for and doing stuff for each other but does that include sugar mummies recruiting the ‘services’ of resourceful young men and pot-bellied moneybags practically buying chicks? Everyone gets a bum deal (no pun intended!). But its mind over matter I guess; if you don’t mind it simply does not matter.

Someone should set specific, measurable parameters by which we can objectively define love. I know a woman whose husband can keep neither his fly zipped nor his hands to himself. She stuck with him gaining everyone’s admiration, everyone that is apart from yours truly. Now it turns out she’s looking to gain much more than mere admiration: high political office to be precise. Frankly, I wish her bad luck. But this is just one of millions of examples of what we all do in the name of ‘love’.

Don’t be quick to blame anyone though: the Economy is just not good. Now we’re firmly in the age of pre-nups where performance anxiety and insincerity are the order of the day. Divorce is as expected, at an all time high ‘cos the cash/ other benefits only benumb for so long; when the rubber hits the road you may find you cannot cope and so you hit the road yourself! Hopefully, by this time you are entitled to a generous pay off, child support etc so you lose nothing.

But I have not lost all hope. Some scorn the gold, glamour and glitz despite the odds. Take a bow Mme. Sarkozy (ex). She and her ilk are unfortunately in the negligible minority. For the majority, there is just no romance without finance. Give me an L, give me an O, give me a V and give me an E? Give me a break!
You were saying something about love being great . . . . . .