The House that Despair built
I recently wrote about a young man who tweeted the process of taking his life as he was doing it in what would have been a most theatrically brilliant scene if it were not so poignantly macabre. One would hope such incidents occur sparingly but alas here I am writing another blogpost and once again I do not bring you glad tidings. I do not have any fascination for the morbid; rather it’s a sign of the times and I’m just an interpreter of sorts.
This past week, the papers/internet reported the story of someone who took her life and it made me terribly sad; I don’t know her or anything but I could not help feeling sad at the circumstances and reason for her passing. Now, I’m not entirely certain this story is not the figment of some newshound’s very dramatic imagination (some aspects of the story are dubious at least!) but if it is true then it is a terrible shame. In summary, a 30-year-old graduate of Microbiology from the Delta State University purportedly killed herself when she discovered that her fiancée who she met on facebook had opted to marry her best friend. It appears there was some tomfoolery with the said fiancée pretending to be a cripple at their first meeting and breaking up with her when he was not impressed by her reaction, or something to that effect. Again I must say that sad as the suicide was it is not necessarily a spectacular occurrence in and of itself; something did catch my attention though. The reports say that she left a note which read “I have gone to rest as I cannot stand the situation after the house I built has collapsed.” As I read the statement it polluted my mind and sowed a seed of despondency in my spirit; I mean, how did a 30 year old University graduate get to the point where she felt losing her boyfriend meant “the house I have built has collapsed”? Are you analyzing this statement at all? Lessons? Where do I even begin?
For one I think a misplacement of priorities and lack of focus among other things, contributed to this mess. Why didn’t she simply think “oh well, I’ll meet someone else” and move on? How could he have been so vital to her existence, so central to her living that she decided it best to take her own life rather than attempt facing life without him? She only met this guy ONCE in person! How could she think there was no life after him? Even if the story is not true it isn’t farfetched; many people – especially, but not exclusively young people – have managed to put themselves in similar situations. You tie yourself to a person or plan and convince yourself that if your liaison with this person fails or your dream does not materialize the world will end. I say “fa fa fa fa, foul!” I remember hearing a song on the radio, one of many, with the instructive lyrics “no man wey no know, no man wey no sabi: when there is life, there is hope. . .” Listen to me very carefully; I know the economy is non-existent and it is unspeakably difficult to be positive about anything when you have no job, no money, no sense of self worth, nothing – but you must strive to make the most of where you find yourself. As much as is up to you, see the possibility of moving on from any and every thing that may happen to you. If it doesn’t kill you, get up and keep going!
Despair is a killer and many have been crushed by living in the crumbling ruins of houses that it built. Learn from their mistakes.
Keep that chin up!
This past week, the papers/internet reported the story of someone who took her life and it made me terribly sad; I don’t know her or anything but I could not help feeling sad at the circumstances and reason for her passing. Now, I’m not entirely certain this story is not the figment of some newshound’s very dramatic imagination (some aspects of the story are dubious at least!) but if it is true then it is a terrible shame. In summary, a 30-year-old graduate of Microbiology from the Delta State University purportedly killed herself when she discovered that her fiancée who she met on facebook had opted to marry her best friend. It appears there was some tomfoolery with the said fiancée pretending to be a cripple at their first meeting and breaking up with her when he was not impressed by her reaction, or something to that effect. Again I must say that sad as the suicide was it is not necessarily a spectacular occurrence in and of itself; something did catch my attention though. The reports say that she left a note which read “I have gone to rest as I cannot stand the situation after the house I built has collapsed.” As I read the statement it polluted my mind and sowed a seed of despondency in my spirit; I mean, how did a 30 year old University graduate get to the point where she felt losing her boyfriend meant “the house I have built has collapsed”? Are you analyzing this statement at all? Lessons? Where do I even begin?
For one I think a misplacement of priorities and lack of focus among other things, contributed to this mess. Why didn’t she simply think “oh well, I’ll meet someone else” and move on? How could he have been so vital to her existence, so central to her living that she decided it best to take her own life rather than attempt facing life without him? She only met this guy ONCE in person! How could she think there was no life after him? Even if the story is not true it isn’t farfetched; many people – especially, but not exclusively young people – have managed to put themselves in similar situations. You tie yourself to a person or plan and convince yourself that if your liaison with this person fails or your dream does not materialize the world will end. I say “fa fa fa fa, foul!” I remember hearing a song on the radio, one of many, with the instructive lyrics “no man wey no know, no man wey no sabi: when there is life, there is hope. . .” Listen to me very carefully; I know the economy is non-existent and it is unspeakably difficult to be positive about anything when you have no job, no money, no sense of self worth, nothing – but you must strive to make the most of where you find yourself. As much as is up to you, see the possibility of moving on from any and every thing that may happen to you. If it doesn’t kill you, get up and keep going!
Despair is a killer and many have been crushed by living in the crumbling ruins of houses that it built. Learn from their mistakes.
Keep that chin up!
#Truth
ReplyDeletePeople come, people go, life goes on....
It's usually difficult at first but you have no choice but to move on.
+ never exhaust your hope no matter what it looks like on the outside...
Your success, joy or peace in life is not tied to any single individual, job or opportunity....
See, enh, Sheddy (and everyone else), when a person decides to commit suicide it isn't always about that one incident. For eg, in this girl's case, it probably wasn;t just the fact that this particular guy left her. You don't know the whole story, the pressures and disappointments she'd been through. Now, that having been said, I'm not sanctioning suicide, I'm just saying I think "For one I think a misplacement of priorities and lack of focus among other things, contributed to this mess. Why didn’t she simply think “oh well, I’ll meet someone else” and move on?" may be a tad callous. My 2 kobo.
ReplyDeleteWhatever reason when examined, would never justify suicide. We never asked for the lives we have so what then makes us assume we have the right to take it?
ReplyDeleteAlthough she left a note that brings us to the conclusion that she killed herself because her fiance ditched her, it may not be entirely conclusive.Many studies on depression which often leads to suicide, reveal that the illness is a culmination of several mishaps and is triggered by one.The individual may be so consumed by the present mishap that they don't even see that the others are still very much part of the cause of their depression.
But back to the lesson here, death will come to us all anyway, usually the same way life did-without asking. That should tell us a lot about how to live but not when to live. It's the much we own of living-our choices,confined to how we are to live the life that we didn't ask for.