The parable of “ijekuje”

“Something is better than nothing”
Anonymous

Knowing where to draw the line is a very important life skill which unfortunately is in steady decline. It is described variedly depending on its usage but I’m not really concerned with the etymology of the phrase; my purport is just to point out that it is important to exercise restraint when dealing with people.

I was in Lagos with my supervisor at work for a seminar and the head of the Lagos Regional office graciously gave us a car and driver to ease transportation. One evening, having dropped oga off at Surulere, the driver and I were heading towards Omole when his wife called. He had been expecting her call because his driving us around meant he didn’t get home at the time he usually did, so he thought she would be curious about his whereabouts and she did not disappoint. When he answered the call, I found his smile and friendly tone very heart warming. ‘This is how a man and his wife should relate by default’, I thought to myself. It was admittedly a predictable discussion but nice all the same. Apparently, she playfully scolded him for not warning her ahead and he apologized with a laugh. Up till this point everything was jolly and dandy; she accepted his apology on the condition that he would bring her “something” (a peace offering of sorts). Our man was in a lighthearted mood the whole time.

When he was done with the call, he then started telling me about women and how “that is how they are o, you have to be doing things for them. . .” and so on. A few minutes into his address however trouble started; his wife had called back with an improved demand for pacification. This time the conversation was brief and ended abruptly when he cut the line mid-sentence, in annoyance! I didn’t get most of it but managed to catch his incredulous “fried rice ko, roasted rice ni!” and the singsong “ijekuje” in Yoruba before he cut the line on madam. Thinking she could and indeed should have better exploited his agreeable mood, his wife had overreached herself and ended up losing even the earlier “something” he had promised her! According to him, he had warned her severally on her “longa throat”. He couldn’t see why she was so keen on buying fried rice when she had rice and oil at home and could simply make rice for herself.

To be frank, I didn’t think much of his reasoning as far as her having rice and oil at home and all but you can’t help thinking maybe she should have stopped when she was ahead. As the saying goes “bad as e bad, you manage am. At all at all na hin worse pass”.

Everyone has different “ijekuje”. You may not care for fried rice but pause and reflect; is there someone who cannot say no to you, who you have wrapped around one finger (and your little finger for that matter)? The feeling of power is intoxicating but I advise that you have the wisdom to use your power responsibly. Don’t get me wrong, I really have no problem with someone having a soft spot for and/or being susceptible to another person’s charms, be it a child, spouse or other associate. It is when it becomes something selfish and a control issue that I draw the line. Advantages are there for being maximized but if you over-tap and utilize a resource you will ultimately lose it because everybody, no matter how docile, has a snapping point. The driver’s wife probably just lost out on apples or suya – you may not get off that lightly as there’s trust, affection and so on to lose.

I pray that you find the wisdom and strength to stop yourself before it is too late and when you discover someone’s snapping point may it be mere “ijekuje” - not someone significant or something of fundamental importance.