All I want is your waist. . . .

For the avoidance of doubt, I don’t want your waist! I’m merely quoting the lyrics from the hit song by local pop artiste Iyanya where he brazenly declares that he wants this lady and is specifically interested in her “waist”; apparently her waist “is controlling me”. One of the benefits of writing for adults is that I don’t have to explain to you why ‘waist’ is in quote. Anyway, my point is that he knows what he wants and makes no bones about plainly telling her about it. I reckon that Iyanya is at least a sincere chap; many a young man also wants some girl or the other’s waist but takes a dishonest, roundabout route to getting it and camouflages his quest as love, friendship or a benefactorship of one sort or the other. I am of course saying all this in the light of the impending occurrence of the lust-fest we call ‘Valentine’s day’. Without prejudice to several exceptions, if the activities of the day are anything to go by, it is either that it is not really Saint Valentine’s day or that Valentine was not as a matter of fact a Saint at all. But I digress.
I’m an old man now and have been “off the market” for a bit so I don’t really know what obtains currently but I know enough about human nature and patterns of behavior to know that it is unlikely that much has changed from when I was on the scene; to many guys this is still just an opportunity to literally charm/buy their way into girls pants and many girls – heady from all the ‘love”, perfume, wine and gifts – will be at their pliable best, not needing much more prompting to be just another conquest, a mark on some guy’s belt.
You’re probably reading this and thinking that my line of thought is well worn and clichéd; I concede that that is indeed the case. However in addition to being clichéd and well worn it is also still very true. Of course many ladies will scoff at my admonition ‘cos what naïve little girl am I referring to here right? No wahala! You yourself may be a veteran of several seasons of Valentine fever and are now used to being famished with your consent but you can help your junior sisters, cousins and nieces to avoid falling into the trap by showing them this article and further cautioning them to steer clear of the ravenous wolves trying to pass themselves off as sweet and devoted potential boyfriends/husbands.

Here is my issue; if a guy is for real he should approach you on a regular day when your eye “dey clear” and labor in love for you to see korokoro. Don’t give anyone a short cut. I’m referring to the act on the day (ask me very well you hear?) but more broadly to the increasing incidence of people wanting to be involved with no commitment, resulting in a glut of meaningless relationships. Don’t we get tired of cheap highs that leave long lasting emotional hang overs? On the strength of the evidence, I guess not.
For those in committed relationships I say well done. Particularly to the married couples, I have absolutely nothing to say except that Valentine can be a special day and is as good an excuse as any to celebrate each other but you really don’t need an excuse or a special day; celebrate each other as often as you can. To all my devoted, faithfully involved guys I say more grease to your elbows and keep it up.

And lastly to you my dear sister, shine your eye; ‘Iyanyas’ all over the world are feverishly plotting away right now and all they want is your waist.